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Engineer Jokes

Humour for the scientific mind 

Page 3

The difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers.

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" they asked.

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

How to Spot Aliens at Work - signs to watch for

1.     Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often space aliens don't fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers,"

 

2.     Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat French fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills.

 

3.     Bizarre sense of humour. Space aliens who don't understand earthly humour may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands.

 

4.     Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. Aliens are constantly gathering information.

 

5.     Misuses everyday items. A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails.

 

6.     Secretive about personal lifestyle and home. An alien won't discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends.

 

7.     Frequently talks to himself. An alien may not be used to speaking as we do, so it may practice speaking.

 

8.  Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on.

 

 

Engineer jokes page 1

   

 

 
   

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